Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my poor anus
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