She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
