I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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