I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
