Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
someone owes me an orgasm
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
