Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
