Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
