I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
