Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize