I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
