I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
