i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
zippers are such a cool invention
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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