I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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