my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I sprained my soul last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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