I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
