Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
