Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
