we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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