would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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