I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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