I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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