You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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