i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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