what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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