My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
