and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
