I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
