i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
