My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
