oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
