MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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