Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
