Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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