dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
