sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
