Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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