i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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