I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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