Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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