whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
