I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
