My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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