wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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