Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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