saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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