He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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