Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
