Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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