nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
