How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
