When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
