Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
