Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
