when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
