I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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