Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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