dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
