so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
is wine microwaveable?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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