One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
