Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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