dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
