On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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