I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
