Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
