She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
