and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
