she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
