Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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