I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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