She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
