Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
