i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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