We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Blood and glitter go together right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
