Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
