You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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