I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You are a genius and a whore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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