You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You took a bar mat shot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
