Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
