He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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