He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
