Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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