But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
