it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
