We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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