I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
